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Name: Caitlin
Country: United States
State: Alaska
Metro: Anchorage
Birthday: 3/9/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: Your mother. How is your mother, by the way?
Expertise: See above.
Occupation: Aspirant Costermonger
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/18/2007
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| My birthday is approaching, and at no time of the year is the vicious cycle of hyper self-consciousness and the boringness that results from thinking about nothing but myself all day every day more viciously cyclical. I would make a resolution to stop being such a buzzkill, but similar resolutions have passed and then floundered, and I'm still as curmudgeonly and self-centered as always.
Because we didn't have anything at the house, I ate a slice of bologna for dinner. I remember eating a package of barbecue baked lays in eighth grade and sobbing, all contrite, when a closer perusal of the ingredients label revealed them to contain chicken fat. If I could go back in time, I would tell thirteen year old me not to worry, because I'd be eating composite pork 'meats' again in four years. And I would tell eleven/thirteen/fourteen/fifteen/sixteen/seventeen year old me not to waste ink on the horrible intricacies of my personal failings in the hopes of remedying them, because it's clearly been useless.
M wants to plan a party, which is beyond nice of her, but I'm not sure how I'm going to tell her that I haven't got enough friends to warrant a party.
I just realized that I'm a jerk.
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| Apparently the only time it's more appropriate to make 'Brokebutt Mountain' jokes then the release of a (scandale!) movie with a gay relationship hitting the mainstream, is after one of the stars of said movie dies at the age of twenty eight, leaving behind a two year old child.
Stay classy, America!
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| It's getting harder to pay attention to things, and barring the slight possibility of premature mental decrepitude, I think the reason is because my life becoming redundant. I know, I know. NEWS FLASH: Suburban teenager bored with life! On the positive side, I've stopped blaming nebulous external forces for my own interminable ennui and have accepted that my life rests largely in my own hands, hands that have fashioned a sluggish ferris-wheel of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns and blog-surfing for political talking points.
Sigh.
On the positive side of the positive side, however, boredom is a temporary state, and I have no doubt that I will, at some future point, be stimulated, scintillated, or surprised.
Knock on wood.
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| Mid-winter revelations include:
1.) I do not want to be a vegetarian anymore.
2.) So I won't be.
3.) Sweeney Todd is a FREAKING COOL film.
4.) I am terrible at pool.
5.) Also, am damnably lazy.
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| I have approximately not enough hours left in this week to get caught up on makeup work. It's kind of a big deal. However, because I would feel godawfully guilty afterwards if I spent more time blogging about my makeup work than actually doing, I will not linger there.
Instead, I will take a moment to reflect on the peculiar sensation of dread and disbelief that I am faced with, now that I have finally realized (um, duh) that I have only ONE SEMESTER LEFT OF HIGHSCHOOL and that I have NOT TAKEN MY SATS and that I HAVE NOT APPLIED TO ANY COLLEGES AND HAVE ONLY A VAGUELY FORMED PLAN OF WHAT TO DO WITH MY 'GAP YEAR'. *
Granted, I have been aware of these three facts for quite some time, and have even considered them in conjunction and weighed their relation to each other, etc. My feelings toward them, however, have changed in a way roughly comparable to the way a person's feelings for a train that they have seen coming down the track change when that train compacts their pulpy flesh into a quantum singularity with the tracks.
I am becoming morbid and distracted.
To make a relatively short story even shorter, I am very, very afraid.
*I do apologize for the bolding, but you must understand that this information is important.
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